Hugging my netsister when she is fifteen hundred miles away is not thesame as hugging her in real life. Talking to her on the netis not the same as just walking to her home and being withher. Rocking a thirty-year-old that needs to be my five-year-old daughter on the net is not the same as she iscrying and fighting sleep in my arms. I need to put her tobed with her stuffed dolls around her so she won?t feelalone and kiss her. I need to read her a Dr. Susse, watchher play on the swings, help her with a puzzle, or have herhelp me make some cookies. Of course she could lick thebowl.There are other issues as well. It is the fact that evenwith HRT and SRS it is only the best that modern medicinecan do. Even then I am still not genetically female. Thereis no way I will ever give birth. The view in the mirror isstill too masculine. I don?t know if I could ever get ridor my beard or the rug that covers my body. I am too tall.My voice is too deep. The hair where I need it is missing.I need to. To be honest, at nineteen with sex practically oozing from every pore of my body, I could get laid every night of the week by a different boy if that’s all what I wanted. Heck, ANY teenage girl can do that if she really WANTS it, no matter what she looks like. No, this was becoming more and more about pleasing my father, about honoring him, about fulfilling my obligations as his daughter, about my duties that I was becoming painfully aware that I’d failed to meet. The more I read my Bible and thought about it, the more guilty I felt as I soon realized I’d been withholding something from my dad that he DESERVED, something that as my father he had earned and thus had the right to possess in any way he wanted – ME.It also dawned on me that while incest wasn’t something I’d ever discussed with my parents, it needed to be brought up now. In al fairness to my parents, I suppose we’d avoided it until now more because there was no reason to discuss it than making a conscious decision. .
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